Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Life Update

Well good news. I talked to Ella for 30 minutes. Bad news, her father moved her to her aunts house to get her away from her sister and me. 2 birds one stone it seems like.

And if you've read these posts in detail you know exactly what ive been talking about the whole time and how im willing to publicly talk about this though this is extremely frowned upon.

You cannot help who your supose to love. You can either devote your life to them knowing its the purest form of love you'll ever find your you can leave them and never love anyone the same again. I know the road i chose. I chose it for her. No one will like me, no will like this. I never said it was right. All i can do is thank those few people out there who understand.

Ive had other opprotunities so many times now since meeting Ella. But i cant leave her. I dont know why sometimes. Its so easy to be evil, horrible, wrong, to do things i shouldnt. But i cant. Ella has my heart, and if i left her my life would end without her.

Some very close friends of mine just had a family death. There mother died. I wont say much for privacy reasons. But she died like my father did =/ One of the lil girls in the family is the same age i was when it happned to me... Pray for them please, there good people.

Depression is here to stay i believe, sorry. Though im having spurts of normalness. Ella has really helped with that. But when she isnt around she cant keep the panic attacks away...

Ran away the other day after freaking out. Ended up at my sisters, Beth, No one was there i thought so i stood outside the back door. Javy came out and was like whats up? I had him play basketball with me. That saved my butt big time.... Every shot made life just melt away a little at a time till i was left with my soul alone. It was cold and rainy. I can shoot anything from a frozen flat basketball while standing on ice to a football into a hoop lol. Javy young still, doesnt have that kind of experience. I jumped out to a 17-2 lead, we were playing 21. All jump shots by me pretty much, nice ones too. then we finished 21-10 -.- dudes always gotta fight back... bout two shots when off the back of the rim... and he got let back in the game... i should of ended it. I did end on a nice lil dip pump and big left side step mini fade for the win. I always fall back into lil kid two handed chucks to win the game, i can hit those from litterally anywhere no matter what kinda D you put on me. Half court. Three point. hit me while i shoot, tackle, dont matter, its going it when i take that kinda shot at the end of the game. Its upsetting that i dont use my nice form =/ but hey i rather win then look nice.

Rajon Rondo raaawwwwrrrr

As you can tell that was a spurt of normal >.< so yea. Life is messy right now... And i forgot Ella thinks im cute >////> so i have to watch how i act around her or uhh she starts getting worked up over me >///////////////< its cute when she like that though =/ i better watch myself or ill rant for pages about her cutenss lol. ive been doing that to friends lately >/////////>

So as for me, im looking for internships, if you need me in south carolina, i will happily move. other then that, unless its instate, michigan, i probaly couldnt move. but im open to anything. So contact me if your interested in a business educated adult. By the way, if you dont hire me, your making a big mistake. Everyone should hire me when it comes to business.

Ok music time. i bought that B.o.B album the adventures of bobby ray, its great, love the sound. Not the story sound of Kanye, lupe, or common. But his sound is very fresh, very clean, its something you should own. I own it now. i love it.

watch out for steven nash, the lakers mite let the suns make it a 7 game series, steve nash mite take that chance and win with it. Look out for a Suns vs Magic finals. Id pick the suns. barely, it would be a great series for sure. Though Lakers Celtics would be cool. Lakers shut down too much. and steve nash jumping on that this year.

well my blog is getting overly long again. oh i got some 100 dollar gift car for advertising on google. But i was like that would really help my blog, but then again maybe too much publicity wouldnt be good >.< i think this stuff is true enough to be known underground. I dont want to be known, i only want my words to be heard. And after that, you can all do what you wish with them, i trust you.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Depression mode wooo.

Yea its about that time. Its been near 3 months with no Ella =/ so yea the bomb has dropped and there hiding the kniges lol jk. Oddly the more i get depressed the more normal i act, so no one ever notices. Im done with this semester. Last class was last night. We had a test, we got done in an hour lol. I got a 25 dollar itunes card, only spend ten cuz Mr Hudsons straight chaser isnt on itunes!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want that so bad. its such a great album.... So my depression is pissed off at itunes.

Oh my nephew averie had his first communion sunday. sisters greatest excuse to drink a years worth of wine. Im not joking, she goes all out on her kids holy communions, she passed out on her couch while asking me to go with her to get more wine -.-

We played 21 i was winning with 18, that i scored with 7 people on the court. then they all left -.- so it was me and javy so he won.... some serious bull. Im tired of losing.... Especially on that crap. Im still trying to regain the summer form. Im so much closer. once i pull it together its going to be so nice.

Ive been playing alot of uncharted 2 lately. If you follow my tweets, u know that already. If you play the game, i love camping, and now you probally hate me lol.

I need to get an internship to graduate next semester -.- some serious bull since they just changed that for me...

I dont feel like adding music to this. That mite make you few peopl who read this be happy. Oh by the way, when i get depressed real bad i try to kick everyone out my life so when i end it, it doesnt hurt anyone lol.

I really want the cavs to lose in the playoffs, lebron isny a good enough of a player to deserve a ring. So go magic and bosto and Lakers and Spurs lol.

by the way, i do all this odd spacing so its easier to read and not all crunched together.

Ive been quiet on twitter lately for obvious previously stated reasons lol.

and if you want music. Right now im listening to Cooler then me~Mike Posner Ft.Big Sean. and Up Up and away by Kid Cudi is really good too.

Also Perfect jumpers are the most beautiful body motion in the world, its like sex for the soul. If you read my tweets you already know how much i love the pefect jumper. It feels so great. You jump perfectly, you release perfectly, it arcs perfectly, and it falls thru the net and snaps beautifully. I love it.

and B.O.Bs airplanes is really good. I wish i could afford his album. He has that commercial style of rapping *prefers story telling rapping like kanye and lupe and common* but its a breath of fresh air.

all i have to say....

"i could really use a wish right now"

*stares off and walks out the backdoor not being able to stand the momment he lives in*