i think its about time.

I got some feedback from the last blog >//////< so i think i need to do another one tonight. Its been hard to find time for this since my semester is coming to an end. Plus well this seems like the best chance ive ever had to meet Ella. If hunch is right, it seems im getting a supprised visit from Ella and her parents >.< future inlaw sneak attack. She just got her lisense so its either trip up here or vacation trip. But this is still the best odds ever honestly. So ive snapped out of my depression from now till the chance disapears one way or another.

So yea right now its school, or waiting for possibility of Ella or trying to distract self from all that so i dont have a panic attack >.< Oh since last blog, when i was in e-business the other week, Ella came online, but i missed it v.v but she sent me an offline message and replied to one of my emails, she said she loves me always and dont fall apart on her. So basically shill make it thru for me as long as i make it thru for her. Sorry about typing, rushed so not enough time to be politically corect. so yea Ella loves me! woo!!! and i love her more then anything, more then anything ever, more then the present, more then the past, more then future, and more then it all rolled into one times a sideways 8. so right now im my overly happy self till something happens >.<

Oh i have zombie car now. My car started dying monday, but it keeps coming back to life, so thats why its now zombie car lol. Im suprisenly happy for a guy who is broke, has a zombie car, and mite be meeting the future inlaws any day now. Oh and im hunching off what Ella told a cousin who told another cousin who told me. So im pretty much mind reading this all atm. But its still the best chance ever.

THis one is pretty much a Life Update so ima end on a good song for you all. Thank you for reading, please enjoy the music.

OMG~ Usher and Will.I.Am

Letter in a Bottle

I know this is crazy, but i must admit at this point i am far past crazy. This blog will be a letter to Ella. I hope for the chance of a dream. You never know who reads what and tells who about it. You never know. So here i go, pouring out my soul to the girl i love for everyone to see.

Dear Ella

I still can't believe how we met. The accident of me meeting your cousins then the luck of meeting you. I kept wondering why i couldn't get enough of you and i wonder how i feel i always need you. For what attracts me to you isn't your looks though your more beautiful then each flower i want to give you. Your beautiful mind. The uniqueness that is your mind. The words you say, the thoughts you think. The pure beauty that is your mind. This is what attracts me to you.

Its been over a year now and are life together seems to get crazier with each passing month. Sometimes i wish we could just run off together, live together for as long as possible. Maybe somewhere warm near a beach. I want to spend the rest of my life with you as you do with me. I wish, i hope, i dream, i demand that fate let us be together. All i want from Life Ella is to love you, every minute of the day in every way possible. not just now, not just tomarrow, but the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that in an endless cycle to never end.

Its been about exactly a month this time. I know this isnt as long as the 3 months weve spent apart. But i have a feeling that this time around may last longer and be far worse. All i want from life is for you to be happy, to live a good life, to do good in school, to eat, to be safe. Even if you do this all without me its ok, just as long as you are happy then im happy.

I miss listening to you talk about what books your reading
I miss the soft touch of your lips on mine
I miss how you care so much about everything
I miss the way you speak so intelligently
I miss how you love me even though im not perfect, im so far from perfect.

I love you blue eyes, i love your glasses, i love your kisses, i love your words. I would sell my soul to spend a minute with you, because that one minute could get me thru an enternity of hell without trouble. You are an angel, pure perfection sent down to earth. I am more then lucky to have you in my life.

One day we will get married, will say i do, will kiss. One day will have kids, will kiss, theyll go eww. One day will grow old together, each day ill cherish just as much as the last one. All i want from life is to love you every possible second that exists in my life. I love you Ella, more then words can explain.

I love Ellany Maria Barwell, and i want the world to know. Ella i hope this makes its way to you somehow, one way or another.

*rolls up the letter carefully* *puts the letter in a bottle *tightly closes the bottle* *stares out at the sun over the ocean infront of him *closes his eyes*breaths* *throws the bottle as far as he can into the water* maybe, somehow, it'll find you Ella, this may only be a dream for a chance of hope. But its all i have and i won't give up.

Watching Good Will Hunting

put this out there b4 i continue, falling to pieces, depression at that bad time. so anyways back to this blog thingy.

SO yea im watching Good Will Hunting, thats what i do at times like this. Oddlly im very self destructive, i do things that make it worse.

I think i won my fantasy basketball league tonight. Im not sure but if i did, woohoo. All luck becuz i had carmelo on the bench most the year lol.

oops wandered off mid blog, where was i.

if i had one wish it would be to be next you.

I dont know what to write about. Life kinda sucks and it makes it hard to blog or what ever. Plus i mostly tweeted everything by now.

i think ill find something cool for you to look at for now.



so yea ive been listening to that song a flippen ton.

Im trying to keep this blog depression free so not much to talk about. I have class tomarrow, HW do in morning and test at night, bag in my car which is somewhere else.... yea... sucks right now.



The Cavs and lebron lost today to Jesus Shuttlesworth and the celtics lol.

Falling fast, falling apart which each passing second.

Yea i hope i dont have my human resources test tomarrow morning, cuz then ill really need my bag with all my homework in it... but i just remembered, if i can find the HW online, i have my book for that class here, i can do it still woo.



Im worrying like crazy about Ella right now... im starting to get scared that this time apart will make her cold hearted and hate people.... or worse... just i said i wouldnt talk about this stuff *breaths*

good will hunting..... i hate this part... skylar, tall, Ella is tall then she talks about how she can dunk and play basketball. Ella plays basketball.... wait, sorry, i must talk about other stuff.



Its been raining alot tonight. i like it, real cold but i have my window wide open.

my car just showed up so ima do homework now, if you read this, power to yea. night people