Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Officially burnt out

supprise supprise its been 3 years at KVCC and im burnt out on school. Who saw that coming. With the semester almost over im just mailing it in. I dont pay attention in class at all. Im just there randomly in the back of class staring at the wall day dreaming away.

I must admit, i play my best basketball in blue, yellow, and black nikes. Its wearing i had a pair in grade school and i was real good, and i stole/was given a pair last year that were old and use to be my brother timmys. Ive been playing real good in them too.

Yes i am litterally convince i have died and this is my hell. Odd thing to say but im just being randomly honest. And also i should be asleep since i only got a hour of sleep last night.

My internet is being stupid and really slow right now -.-

I keep having bad night day dreams about Ella coming back and telling she is leaving me for someone else... its not that i dont trust her its that i dont trust other people near her. I mean she is perfect and all why wouldnt anyone else want her?

Yea i know im having stupid mood swings lately like a crazy person. I honestly cant help it. Its not really mood swings i think, i think im extremely depressed with a side of suprise happiness from time to time.

1st greatest dream: Marry Ella and have lil kiddies that i will teach to call there grampa smelly butt face. Just dont tell Ella i taught them that >.>

2nd greatest dream: if first one doesnt happen.... ima just drop everything and instead of jumping off building/bridge ima just leave my life and try to make it in basketball i mean thats so stupid that its like dieing. Plus you never know.

3rd greatest dream: Marry Ella and have lil kiddies that i will teach to call there grampa smelly butt face. Just dont tell Ella i taught them that >.>

I hate public speaking class. Its a class where we talk about talking.... in public....

one of my hopes in basketball is to one day play lebron. Then shove him alot everytime he gets the ball, i hope he twists his ankle.

I have a sleep deprived headache, i hate these so much...

Todays goals: sleep till 4, hopefully get my car back b4 i have to be to class. come back, grab ps3, hopefully sis left fooling around money for me and nephews, rent NBA 2k10, fool around with it lol. Im really not up to another hardcore game of 21 >.< though i know javy wants to beat me bad right now. Then sleep some more. then play around some more then tell my sis we did flash cards while running laps rofl.

I wonder if somethings arent ment to be. I miss my F you life ima do wat i want attitude... Goddddd i miss being me, i miss being around her. Im not the same without her. I need her so bad.... i miss her so much.... anything i have you can have, soul included, if you can get me next to her. minimum ten seconds. Thats a promise.

Ok on that depressing note ima take my nap so i dont go crazy tonight.

Friday, March 5, 2010

What you mean i dont matter?

Ok so i wanted to start out with the song that inspired me to talk about my whole life all at once suddenly. So listen to that and ill think about what ill right next.

Ok so i was born in 89 and the last of 6 kids. Yes the last one. I was born at that time where your parents dont care no more. The closest sib to me is my sister and she is like 26, im 21. I was pretty much forgotten. I was there, quiet, just watching everyone. My sibs didnt care much for me. Most of them were gone. I have grown up around my family constantly, but never with them. If anything me and my closest sib, krystal, are real close, we dont see each other enough, but were tight. She understands me the best, more then anyone else in my family, not as much as my mom though.

So yea childhood for me was nice in its own way. Since no one paid attention to me no one told me what to do. i had the unique opprotunity in life to decide who i was and what kind of person i would be. I learned from everything i saw. When i saw a sib mess up i knew that i shouldnt do that. I dont know i just figured stuff out, even if they looked like they were having fun i knew it was wrong. I kind of raised myself on the inside, decided who i would be on my own.

My Dad was around but he wasnt around alot either. We did stuff on weekends, he was here, but just here usually. I saw him alot, he was a very hard worker, he had his own business. Then the tax problems set in. The money problems, My Dad moved out, then my sister krystal left when she was 16 or 17. I saw him alot, weekends, summers, when we needed money. He moved in with my oldest brother kevin till he got his own place next to the shop he owned, which he eventually sold to his best friend becuz of the tax problems they had with the shop.

They think i stayed here with my Mom becuz i was too little to do anything else. There wrong, i stayed by choice, i took care of my Mom, then and im still doing it now. My father was one of the nicest people you would ever meet, he took care of us. He made sure we never fell to far. Took care of us so much. But he couldnt finish with me. I never needed him, i got myself.

I learned alot from my Dad, by just watching him live life, i learned to not smoke, not to put work ahead of family, i learned how to treat everyone with respect, how to work hard, and i learned how to be a man. I learned how to be a man by watching him leave. Showed me what not to do. That to be a real man, you have to stay and take care of your life. When your connected to someone like your wife, you cant run away from her. By him leaving and me staying i learned how to work anything out.

Not many know, but when my father died in the 8th grade, it wasnt oh no he's gone, my father is dead. It was who going to help me my future car, with life in high school, college, who going to do christmas. Thats all he ever was. Years after that, i did christmas on my own, for my whole family or just for the people living here. My fam helped kick in for a car for me. And all in all i got a grant that got me this far thru college.

I never expected to make it to college after he died, i didnt see a point. I was poor before he died, but after he was gone, it was all downhill. Lowest points of my life. Sibs tried to help, but they didnt do much. My sister Krystal always helps me fill out college forms so i can make it. I love my sister.

Ive learned alot from watching my sibs live. Ive seen drunk driving, Babies when they were just in high school, divorces. Smoking probolems even when there own father had two heart attacks. Ive learned what not to do.

The years after my dad was gone were hard. My mom had it hard all around, she misses him so much. She had a horrible job that she had to escape. The day she quit it i was stuck out at my school for around 8 hours waiting for her.

My sibs grew up so differently then me, they never had to deal with days when you wouldnt know how you would eat. Wouldnt know if the next day would be ok. If was hard. I made it in the end though somehow. Kanye Wests music helped me so much after my dad died. Helped me stay a good person. Ive never messed with drinking or drugs, never done stupid stuff. I owe alot of that to my nephews and niece. Being a role model for them.

One of my brothers, closest in age to me, he 31. After my dad i stayed with him and my other brother, 32, alot. At there apaartment. The 31 yr old, still does and did have a drinking problem. Had a few abusive momments. Experiencing that makes me never want to drink. Being scared for my own life because he was drinking. He lives here with me and my mom now. He still drinks. But when i got older, and he had his abusive momments, he realized i was older, and well i showed him how it was going to be from now on.

Ive learned alot from people's mistakes. I feel like ive raised myself alot thru out life. I dont get along well with alot of my sibs. They know my Dad as there hero and hate my mom. I know my dad as the guy that left me and my mom. I saw my mom work in a hostile working enviroment, she worked at a church too. Weve made it thru so much. Im doing my best to make sure she is ok when i leave, im moving away from this all in about two years. I may never see my mom again. Im just trying to make sure she can take care of herself when im gone.

So pretty much i barely made it out of high school, then suddenly grant money showed up and im in my third year of comunity college, almost lost it last year, but i kept it somehow. Its all gone this semester with one more semester to go. All my watching and understanding has made me seemily built for phychology, but i have to pass on it, i gotta take care of Ella, so i gotta get this business associates and provide for her. Im going to marry her in two years, its the soonest we can. I know ive gone crazy, but at this point i dont care if she is her or he, old or young, where she's from, even if she is human, i just have to be with her forever.

Sorry this is so long, but this is my life, its been rough and all that, but i stay me and im going to succeed at life, no matter how much life trys to hold me back. Thank you for reading this.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

25 Random Thoughts In No Order

1. When i shave my face i just have to use some water and a razor, i dont have to use the shaving cream stuff. For some odd reason my face just doesnt get cut. Never has. Though using shaving cream using gives me a closer shave but it takes more time for me. If i just use water i just run the razor against my face as fast i want. Its nice.

2. I usually only buy products from good companies. Like i really aprove of Sony and Ford and Meijers. I wont buy Microsoft over Sony because microsoft purposely sold a broken product, fired a million customers from there xbox live serive, and they charge for the online feature. Also Sony released a new model at a lower price when microsoft fired its customers. That was the biggest business fail ive ever seen. Plus Sony has a solid business plan they stick to. Ford doesnt need government money, enough said. and there gas pedals dont stick. Meijers doesnt practice bad business like walmart does. I also dislike speedways selling scheme, but there employees are really nice.

3. I tweet alot, you know, on twitter, which is probally were all if any of my readers learn about my blog.

4. You know in Venice Italy, that city atop of water. They have these huge water breaks a few miles out in the water to slow down seasonal flooding. Its one of the most beautiful cities in the world. They did this like 20 years ago too. They build the water breaks so they open and close. There are alot of cities around the world that should do this. Especially New Orleans if you ask me. They had alot of natural water breaks. They need to build those back up.

5. European Basketball is the worst played basketball on the planet, there rules are so stupid. Its like watching them play soccer with there hands.....

6. i have about 76 dollars to my name right now. And a month and a half of school left or so. So hope i can afford the long drive to school......

7. I really want the Detroit Pistons to draft Scottie Reynolds from Villanova.

8. Oh sweet i got two of those rainbow twizzlers stuck together right here, and there red and green, like christmas ^^

9.The most deer ive seen at once is like 40 or so. And no, i did not see them at the zoo, i saw them behind a cornfield that use to be behind my house.

10. I do not live in the "middle of nowhere" i just live near everything, im closer to downtown Kalamazoo then the nearest Farm, though the Farm is almost just as close.

11. Where i live is so weird, its like 3 or 4 cities, and a bunch of towns and townships all connected to each other. This is pretty much the Kalamazoo Area, portage included, though portage still doesnt count as being apart of kalamazoo -.-

12. I really like Kanye West, ever since i was younger and first heard him. He has gotten me thru so much and still is. I owe him my life. I never would of made it this far without him. Thank you Kanye.

13. Im the only one in my family who can wear Nike shoes, and i love it. We all have really wide feet but mine just fit into Nike's. Were all like a 8th native american or something. We have alot of the genetics to show it. I have the most oddly. I dont sun burn i just tan, i got wide feet and weird ankle and knee's. Also i got those shovel shaped teeth. I always felt more native american then they say i am.

14. To be honest im trying to scale back my random thoughts for this so this blog doesnt end up being too long.

15. I have a crown from Burger King and when i wear it im the King of Burger King, Also don't eat there. One of my business rules, never sells a product that kills your customers.

16. Follow iMulah on twitter, his tweets are really nice. though i dont like his blog that much >.<

17. Woah all my twizzlers left are green, orange, and yellow, its very tropical looking, omg i love the word tropical, its so cool!!! 18. I have like 6 nephews and one niece. Yes that one girl gets spoiled like crazy >.< Oldest is my nephew josh who is like 19 or something lol. And the Youngest is Adam who is a little over 1 or almost 2 or something.

19. I still suck at changing diapers for some reason....

20. When i was in the 6th grade or something, i went to States for Free Throw shooting. At my age it was as far as you could go, i got 4th place. I sucked then at shooting Free Throws, i just got lucky and got that far. But after that i worked really hard and im the sh*t at Free throws now lol.

21. I played 5 years straight of football, 4 of which were in high school. Sadlly i didnt play much, but when i did, for some reason i always made a tackle. Towards the end they let me screw around at practice with running and stuff, you can tell they though i was good.... just too big for playing in the game -.- didnt trust me for that reason, which sucked. At least i had there respect.

22. Aww..... crap the rainbow twizzlers are gone.

23. Oh tonight The Office special is on, Pam is having her baby woo!!

24. Sometimes i think about everything, all at once, like all of time, all of space, like everything, every planet, are own planet, all at once. And sometimes i wonder about what point in the Time line are we in, like when its all said and done, were we in teh begining of time or the end. Maybe the middle *shrugs* plus im wonder if im crazy and that im the only person that thinks like this.

25. Wow i got to 25 and i dont know what to finish with.... nice. In the end, its not how you start, its now how you finish, its not even how you played the game, Its knowing that you gave it your all and did the very best you did, because you can not have any regrets about your life then, and take what happens knowing that you were as honest as you could be with everything, and you get what you truthfully deserve, may it be good or bad.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Zoo v.s Portage

Ok as some of you may know by now, i live in Kalamazoo Michigan. Great city, great place, great people. Sadly connected to this great city is a place called Portage..... Portage is all Suburbs and store's. The biggest building in Portage is there Walmart.

Kalamazoo is far more known for its drugs then Portage is. But everyone loves to overlook there precious children in Portage. There "barrowing" of there parents money to buy there "stuff". There is a good size chuck of parents slowly going into debt trying to provide for there "kids". These "kids" are about in there 20s and still living at home doing nothing. And some of them have some addictions they picked up in high school. Basically alot of these kids have these dreams and instead of trying for something they can actually accomplish they end up wasting there parents money, ending back at home, mostly cause of drugs. Then waste more of there parents money till there parents figure out a way to make there kids provide for themselves. Theyll do anything as long as it doesnt involve just kicking them out the house cause the real world is too scary for there precious kids.

Sadlly though these drugs come from either the outlying area's in the middle of nowhere or they come from kalamazoo.

Kalamazoo is the city, it has the tall buildings and urban landscape. Portage has its laws against signs and any building taller then 3 stories. Portage is litterally mostly stores. Kalamazoo hosts most the buidling based businesses. Though portage still has some pharmatheutical drug company jobs. Kalamazoo has Western Michigan University, which sadlly would probaly love to move out to portage cause western trys to be like the major colleges and treats there students like sh*t.

Middle Ground~
Kalamazoo and Portage both have there extreme's. Bad and Good. But in the middle, where the real people lay, its good. Michigan is something many people do not understand. I like to think of michigan as the cold hawaii. There is many nature based things to do here. And PLUS.... the fricken Great Lakes are here!!!! why the hell does no one come here. Really this is a great relaxing place. The single best thing to do here is to relax, sit back and just enjoy being alive. Were beyond laid back around here if you ask me. Alot of other states are like this but we just dont capalize on it like they do. Were not going to party hard every night, were not going to do it "big". Were just going to be here, and thats cool.

I may not like the extreme's of The Zoo or Portage, but i love the people of michigan and who we are. Though if your from Portage and your repping The Zoo like you live here or something..... just dont do that, its sad ok. And dont say you live in kalamazoo when you live in portage then rip on The Zoo. To me if you live in Kalamazoo or the surrounding connected area's your part of the kalamazoo family, were all in the same boat, accept portage, that is a totally different place.

We are all Michigan, we may be from The Zoo or from Portage. Love where your from, own it, breath it, live it. You may be from Detroit, Grand Rapids, Lansing, Mt.Pleasant, or even the UP. But we all share one thing in common, were from Michigan. Love your state. love are people. There is no other place in the world like Michigan.

P.S Forgot to mention the Kalamazoo Promise. basically if you attend the kalamazoo public schools they pay for your college education. research it up if your interested.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Why i Live Life

Way back in time, like before i was alive and junk. There was this chicken, yes a chicken. And everyone always be like, "Yo chicken why you always crossing that road" so one day the chicken was like "to get to the other side dumbsh*t" Not the nicest chicken ever but that story really means alot.

Why do we live, what are we suspose to do with all this stuff. So when people ask whats the purpose of life, i say to live. Life is here to live it anyway you decide. May it be good or may it be bad, it is still your choice.

To me i look at the world and go, you know were all living here, and it can suck for people, like alot. So when it comes to helping people that some probally wouldnt, i tell myself, is my life really worth that much to make someone else's worse for my own benifit. So if someone needs some money and i don't need it as bad as they do then ill give it to them. Because it doesnt hurt my life too much and it helps there alot. In the grand scheme of things its a big plus for the world when you help others and give them more then what is taken from you.

Thats just my own take on life.
I was sitting in Human Resources class this morning and we were doing are interview project, were we get a partner and ask each other interview questions. And my partner didnt do it so i was like i dont think she wants anything from us or is paying attention, screw it ok. So then we just talked about interviews, the kind we liked, and didnt like. Then i had the grand idea of that if i ever got to give interviews they would mostly go down like this.


Me: welcome to so and so Co.
you: glad to be here
Me: lets go on a walk
*5 mins into it
You: why are we in the parking lot
me: i wanna goto the movies

of cource it would proceed to a movie of some sort and that would be the interview lol
I was driving on the way home and i thought of this

"Success isn't the willingness to jump, success is knowing when to jump"

Its not all about just going after your dreams but its knowing how to achieve them. You cant just do it and expect it to work, you have to have a plan, along with the passion to achieve your goals.
I often think about global solutions to problems randomly. It all kinda makes me wanna get in a postion of power and make things happen. But then i realize no one cares. I really think we need to open up the natural water flows around the world and un dam everything. Let the water flow naturally again around the world. You know try and not kill are planet. In the end we know we have to because even if we stop using oil were still using some form of energy. And we call ruin that supply too if were not careful. We need to be more careful with the planet while we can still make it better.
So by now you have all figured im crazy, straight crazy for fact. if you read my tweets youve figured out im a little off lol. And well im kinda in real deep with this girl, her name is Ellany. Its been over a year. Haven't seen her before. And i know you want to say hey wait, but when your on the internet i dont think you lie then say your undermatured and have a growth problem. I mean if your going to lie you say you got a body like a coke bottle lol and like 5''3 and 120 pounds. Plus there nothing to take from me, no info, no money, im not even really related to money, and she knows that. She's from this country. Younger then me, if you hate me for that, its ok. If it wasnt for her trying to make feel ok about it, i would beat myself up constantly for it. Were not like extreme in age difference, its ok, just some people are you know. Anywho, were promised to each other. And even if im crazy, even if this is a lie, even if its wrong, even if it ruins my life, i have no regrets what so ever over this. Call me crazy. Put me in jail. Kill me. I wont regret a single second.

I guess that was umm my err public coming out about my relationship with her >.> *is scared as hell* good thing no one reads this stuff lol. Im basically talking to myself, awesome aint it. And by the way i just turned 21, im not super old, i just feel it. And no i didnt drink on my bday i just went to a casino and won at everything i did, even blackjack, without knowing the rules fully >.< ok seriously ive been trying to post this for like 5 minutes, im done, this all i gotta say right now, big thanks for reading, lets try this thing again, peace and love *throws up the tilted peace sign*

Well i hope its ok to put video's on here. Just trying to support the people that do great things, like kanye.