Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Life Update

Well good news. I talked to Ella for 30 minutes. Bad news, her father moved her to her aunts house to get her away from her sister and me. 2 birds one stone it seems like.

And if you've read these posts in detail you know exactly what ive been talking about the whole time and how im willing to publicly talk about this though this is extremely frowned upon.

You cannot help who your supose to love. You can either devote your life to them knowing its the purest form of love you'll ever find your you can leave them and never love anyone the same again. I know the road i chose. I chose it for her. No one will like me, no will like this. I never said it was right. All i can do is thank those few people out there who understand.

Ive had other opprotunities so many times now since meeting Ella. But i cant leave her. I dont know why sometimes. Its so easy to be evil, horrible, wrong, to do things i shouldnt. But i cant. Ella has my heart, and if i left her my life would end without her.

Some very close friends of mine just had a family death. There mother died. I wont say much for privacy reasons. But she died like my father did =/ One of the lil girls in the family is the same age i was when it happned to me... Pray for them please, there good people.

Depression is here to stay i believe, sorry. Though im having spurts of normalness. Ella has really helped with that. But when she isnt around she cant keep the panic attacks away...

Ran away the other day after freaking out. Ended up at my sisters, Beth, No one was there i thought so i stood outside the back door. Javy came out and was like whats up? I had him play basketball with me. That saved my butt big time.... Every shot made life just melt away a little at a time till i was left with my soul alone. It was cold and rainy. I can shoot anything from a frozen flat basketball while standing on ice to a football into a hoop lol. Javy young still, doesnt have that kind of experience. I jumped out to a 17-2 lead, we were playing 21. All jump shots by me pretty much, nice ones too. then we finished 21-10 -.- dudes always gotta fight back... bout two shots when off the back of the rim... and he got let back in the game... i should of ended it. I did end on a nice lil dip pump and big left side step mini fade for the win. I always fall back into lil kid two handed chucks to win the game, i can hit those from litterally anywhere no matter what kinda D you put on me. Half court. Three point. hit me while i shoot, tackle, dont matter, its going it when i take that kinda shot at the end of the game. Its upsetting that i dont use my nice form =/ but hey i rather win then look nice.

Rajon Rondo raaawwwwrrrr

As you can tell that was a spurt of normal >.< so yea. Life is messy right now... And i forgot Ella thinks im cute >////> so i have to watch how i act around her or uhh she starts getting worked up over me >///////////////< its cute when she like that though =/ i better watch myself or ill rant for pages about her cutenss lol. ive been doing that to friends lately >/////////>

So as for me, im looking for internships, if you need me in south carolina, i will happily move. other then that, unless its instate, michigan, i probaly couldnt move. but im open to anything. So contact me if your interested in a business educated adult. By the way, if you dont hire me, your making a big mistake. Everyone should hire me when it comes to business.

Ok music time. i bought that B.o.B album the adventures of bobby ray, its great, love the sound. Not the story sound of Kanye, lupe, or common. But his sound is very fresh, very clean, its something you should own. I own it now. i love it.

watch out for steven nash, the lakers mite let the suns make it a 7 game series, steve nash mite take that chance and win with it. Look out for a Suns vs Magic finals. Id pick the suns. barely, it would be a great series for sure. Though Lakers Celtics would be cool. Lakers shut down too much. and steve nash jumping on that this year.

well my blog is getting overly long again. oh i got some 100 dollar gift car for advertising on google. But i was like that would really help my blog, but then again maybe too much publicity wouldnt be good >.< i think this stuff is true enough to be known underground. I dont want to be known, i only want my words to be heard. And after that, you can all do what you wish with them, i trust you.

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