Ok first off i actually do like the rain but "depression depression go away" seemed like too long of a title. Ok now that we got this out of the air.
If you read my blogs, which like now 3 people do. More like one but she says i do a really good job. I deleted the last blog. It was very personal and talked about the worst experiences of my life. All that suicidal depression stuff thats not too important.
Since i blogged that all out ive been feeling more like myself. I havent felt like myself in half a year if not longer. Last night i spent a few hours with my sisters. I think that help, though one was drunk, but that made everything more funnier.
Ok now if your not confused slightly about that im trying to write about then your a mind reading and you have to read anymore. But if your normal keep reading.
I want to write about how happy she makes me. I dont know why i started thinking about that. But i just sat down and something made me remember stuff. My brain works like that. Its weird i know
The thing i remembered was how she told me to say emotional instead of emo. How it wasnt right to call them emo. Ok if you know me in person you know that i stand up against any kind of indifference. I dont racial generalization. Stuff like thatl I really dont like anything like that. Honestly she suprised the heck out of me. It was something i would do. I thought it was so awesome. She was so cool. Yes i know i sound stupid right now but its how i felt.
Books are kind of a big deal for Ella. Some people breath air and Ella reads books. She could read before she could talk. Well she says she could talk she just prefered to read instead. Honestly even though im older i seriously think she learned to read before me >.>
I like to read, i need books with lots of info and things to think about. Basically good books make my mind think about more then just the words on the page. I use to talk alot to Ella about what books she was reading. i havent done that enough lately and i regret that greatly.
Also when i first met her all i wanted to do was listen to her talk about books she was reading. I know your not alone, her cousins thought i was really weird too.
Maybe one day me and Ella will right a book
Assorted Random Stuff
We both rant. About stuff. Im sorry were those people who if you say the wrong/right thing will start talking about it for 5 minutes straight with no end. Even worse is that we enjoy listening to each other rant >.>
I think later on were going to become one of those super happy couples that give advice to everyone and everyone will hate us for it >.<
I going to try and keep this as happy as i can. But with me being all yeah its kind of hard.
When we first met she blushed a ton. I didnt know that till one of her younger cousins told me. She use to rub her arm and blush alot when she talked to me. I honestly had no idea. I was just talking to this really smart interesting cool awesome person that i never wanted to stop talking to. And yes i know how did it not seem obvious to me. But i had no idea that she liked me or that i even liked her. Im a guy im oblivious to my own feelings, what would you honestly expect.
She still blushs alot after all this time. And she still makes me insanely nervous from time to time. I guess with are lack of communication i feel a need to capitalize on it when it does happy and not just spend time with her. two street of faults here.
sorry about the random inserts of thoughts. but yeah i do call this the randomness of a unkept mind. by the way, screw proper english and grammer!
Explaining time and stuff
If your still wondering about time spending and distance and all that, wonder no more. You see way back i caught a fish with a coin in it and it granted me one wish. My one wish was to be able to teleport anywhere. Im a lazy person ill admit it, and teleporting makes life so much easier. So anyways i just teleport to the fridge and stuff and to Ella.
If you believe that then the internet is run by magical fairys and i got a sweet deal with this nigerian prince dude and all you have to do is loan me half the bank transfer costs.
I know ive talked about this before but i would like to again. Long distance is impossible, especially if it never started close. By the way i hate couples who move away and split up and agree to see other people but get back together when there one day closer... Seriously? that stuff is just so wrong.
Ok back on topic!
long distance closeness
Bascailly ive learned when dealing with long distance you have to do all you possibly can to make it feel like your right next to the person. Also it doesnt help when your girlfriend is a super book reader and has no idea reading words and imagining them. But i have to put alot of effort into making it seem like im there. IF i dont then its just not good... Its alot of talking and symbols and showing how much i love her. Its like sending my spirit to her so she can have me or something or other.
i just cant wait till im dome with waiting. I know im waiting for her but its been years >.< plus i really dont handle waiting well when i shouldnt be waiting >.< like if she is here and then has to do something small. It upsets me =/ its probally that seperation anxiety. My whole life i never had anything wrong with me. No allergys, no phychological barriers, no physical walls, nothing at all... And no its like im trapped in an invisibly box..
Anyways thanks for reading. I just wanted to talk about how happy she makes me. Talking about the bad stuff really helped rest my mind. I feel like its healing. I really want to pay my respect to how happy she truely makes me. I love Ella, she is a perfect angel. *pauses to let his weirdness sink in* anywho thanks. I know that many people read this but if your one of the few that does, thanks for letting my life spread to yours. In some way it kind of feels like yours spreads to mine just by you reading this *more weirdness*